Why Don't Women Initiate Sex As Often As Men? Expert Weighs In

Science also hints at how to keep the spark alive

Dr. Deanna Lites
January 07, 2019 - 11:29 am
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(WWJ) Research finds men and women think and act differently when it comes to sex. 

According to Dr. Renee Hororwitz, an expert in women's sexual health at Beaumont Hospital, says most women choose to have sex while most men desire it -- which may be why women don't initiate sex as often as men. 

"For men, the desire proceeds the arousal; for women the desire follows the arousal. I really do that that is why women don't necessarily initiate it," Hororwitz said. "It's not that they don't enjoy it when they're in the middle of it, but they don't think about it as often as men."

Horowitz told WWJ Health Reporter Dr. Deanna Lites that communication between couples is key when it comes to keeping the spark alive in a long term relationship.

You have to make an effort when it comes to your sex life, she said; so consider planning a surprise, or maybe send your partner a sexy text.

Believe it or not, Horowitz said there's a scientific explanation as to why this works. 

"If you change things up, it actually physiologically increases the dopamine in our brain, which is one of the neurotransmitters that increases desire," Horowitz said.

"What is erotic between people is the distance between us. It's not the knowing; it's not finishing each other's sentences. That's why a new relationship is so exciting -- because you don't know what's coming."

For women who may shy away from sex due to pain, there may be some relief. 

Horowitz said a pill used to treat partial seizures and fibromyalgia has been shown to reduce painful intercourse in women, according to a Rutgers University study.

Some women may find that the prescription drug Gabapentin can relieve nerve pain. 

"What happens is here's some pressure on the nerves, so if you can relax the pelvic floor muscles, which Gabapentin seems to do, along with decreasing that sensation from the nerves, you can cure the pain," Horowitz said. "And if you can decrease pain you can increase desire and increase sexual satisfaction, because nobody wants to have sex when you're having pain." (Learn more about Gabapentin and the Rutgers study, here).